Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
