I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
