So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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