So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
