Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
