you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
