I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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