you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
