god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
we have officially lost it.
I just pynch a tree in the face
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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