I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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