You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
