is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
