Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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