I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
