did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
