I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
