you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
