I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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