woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
