I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
