Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
