guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well I just put wine in my tea
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
