the condom got lost in my hair
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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