I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
