Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
