capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
