He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
