haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
