Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
as a side note pls kill me
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