i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
one might say we're banned from that church
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
