please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
