I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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