I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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