that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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