OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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