In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
