i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
