If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
