6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
