First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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