Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
