oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
