She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
