her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
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come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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