It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
