Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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