you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
