I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
