Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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