How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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