She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
