I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
