You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
