Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
