So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We got so high we made milksteak
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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