you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
