Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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