All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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