She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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