The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
