I need help removing her.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
