Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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