I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
