the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
