Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
