Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
