No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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