I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
