last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
