yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
