They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
