You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
