i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
