if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
