My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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