is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
