dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
