Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
