is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
