he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
